Crève coeur
by completely bonkers
Summary: Before the legendary couple came to be, James Potter had to realize something between him and Lily Evans; and that not everyone's life is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Read and Review, please. oneshot.


**AN: **I know I should be working on _Almost Forgotten_, but this just came to me. :) I'll proceed with AF later. haha! Er, before we start, I want to explain the title:

**Crève-coeur** is French for heartbreak (according to .com/fren/cr%C3%A8ve-coeur). I chose French because I wanted to express the irony of the whole thing. You see, French is said to be the language of love, but for it to have the term heartbreak in its dictionary is very very ironic. How could a very beautiful and romantic language produce such a painful word, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story. Please give me your feedback through the reviews or a message or whatever. :) take care. xoxo.

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**Crève-coeur**

**by completely bonkers  
**

He used to be young and naïve.

He used to be completely ignorant of what other people felt; of what they went through. He didn't give a bloody damn about other people's thoughts, so long as he was happy and got everything he wanted.

But it all changed when, at the age of eleven, he met _her_.

He gave her shite the moment he first saw her. He teased her of her red hair and bright, green eyes. He made her hair turn different colors. He turned her freckles black so everyone would see just how many they were. He didn't let up on her until he saw tears in her eyes and made her run away. He realized later, with the help of his friend, that she was Muggle born; and that she cried because she realized that this world, the world she was so excited for, was no better than the Muggle world, where she was made fun of and ridiculed. Her heart broke that day, because she realized that nothing would be different, though she desperately wanted everything to be.

He shrugged everything off and resumed taking over the students in his year; pranking them when they'd stand up to him, humiliating them for not laughing at his jokes. He gradually became king. Everyone worshipped him and gave him what he wanted. Students praised him and sucked up to him to protect their own reputations. He and his friends became Hogwarts very own princes, the elite four: the Marauders. Everyone wanted to be his friend, everyone but _her._

It was in their summer after third year when he learned of heartbreak. When his mother went inside his room and cried as she hugged him tightly. His father signed up for a mission to fight the dark wizard, Voldemort. He was supposed to be back two weeks ago, yet no one knew anything of his whereabouts. He closed his eyes and refused to see any more pain from his mother's usually jolly and lively face. But nothing could block the sound of her heart-wrenching sobs as they reached his ears. He waited until his mother left him before he tried to sleep again. He wondered when he woke up the next morning, why it was _her_ face that he saw before sleep claimed him. It was then that he realized that at the age of eleven, someone's heart broke... and it was his entire fault.

He fell in love with _her_ in their fifth year, when she punched him for being so full of himself. The nurse refused to heal his broken nose so he had to endure the pain for a whole week. Despite this, he'd smile every time he'd remember what she did. His friends referred to him as an infatuated fool, yet he knew that this was love. He apologized and asked her out in the middle of October and she agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly. He was happy and so was she, and for the first time in his life, he was able to forget _her face _that fateful day of their first year. He woke up every morning with a smile on his face because he knew that she'd be smiling when he saw her and walked her to class. He knew that she'd blush whenever he'd hold her hand because she didn't want to admit that she liked it just as much as he did. He knew that she'd laugh at his jokes and that she'd always greet him with a gentle peck on the cheek. Everything was going well until _it_ happened.

He was leaving his Potions class when they called him. They teased him of being _her lackey_. They told him how desperate he looked, how stupid he was for following a girl around like a lovesick puppy. He hexed the gits and walked away, fuming with every step. His friends told him to let it go and that they were just being stupid. But he couldn't stop the poison that the Slytherins had planted in his head. He _was _following her around like a lovesick puppy, he _was _willing to respond to her every beck and call, he _was _willing to do anything for her... the bad part there is that he didn't mind at all.

He thought he was being too serious for his age. He thought _she _was controlling him. So that night, before he went to sleep, he concluded that he must get revenge on _her_ because _she _was making him lose the respect he worked so hard for. He was slowly stepping down from his throne, and he will not allow the situation to become worse.

He asked a Hufflepuff out the next day. He ignored _her _for a week. He blew _her _off every time shetried to talk to him. She understood, she thought he needed space. The week after that, he walked the Hufflepuff girl back to her dormitory after another senseless date. He leaned down and kissed her soundly, unaware of _her_ presence. He was surprised to see her there when he turned around. Tears were pooling around her emerald eyes and she was wearing that expression again. He realized with a sickening thud in his stomach that her heart broke because she'd never be able to trust another man for a long period of time. And once again, it was his fault.

Two months later, he overheard _her _talking to her best friend. _She_ was crying. She said that her father left their family for another woman. He heard her tell her best friend about her father's treachery, about his lies. He wanted to comfort her then, but knew that he couldn't. Instead, he sat down on the cold stone floor where he couldn't be seen by them. He listened to her sobs, her whispers. He listened to her heart break once again, this time because of the fact that her home's been ruined; the only place where she was accepted unconditionally was in pieces, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He watched her cry, and he watched him wipe away her tears. He was jealous of him, and he hated him. He wanted to get revenge... but on the completely wrong person.

A week later, he decided to get his revenge. He humiliated her best friend; he had everyone around him laugh at him as he stripped him of his dignity. Then _she _came. She yelled at him and threatened to hurt him. He saw the fire blazing in her eyes as she gave out threat after threat. He brushed everything off and asked her out once again, and for a brief moment, he thought he saw pain flash through her eyes. He let her friend go with a loud thump and heard _her _comfort her friend. He heard her friend say the foulest word in the universe and push _her _away. This time, she did not cry. He went to her after hexing that git and immediately regretted doing so. She looked at him with the most heart wrenching expression anyone could ever give. _Her eyes._ They were no longer the eyes he loved to look at; no. These were the eyes of a stranger. These emerald orbs were filled with pain, and regret, and hatred. He backed away and watched her walk back to the castle. This time, her heart was broken because of the loss of her best friend... her brother, the only family she had in the magical world... and once again, it was all his fault.

He went to _her _house that summer. He wanted to apologize for everything, he wanted to take back everything he's done wrong and if she'll let him, he wanted to make up for everything she lost—even though he knew he couldn't. If all this fails, he wanted her to hit him as hard as she could for as long as she'd like. He wanted to feel even a tiny part of the pain that he brought upon her.

He didn't expect to see _her_ being pushed out of their house by her sister. Her things were being thrown at her face as her sister screamed at her to find a new house. She was being disowned by the only family she had left, and her heart broke because she understood why this was happening, even though she didn't want to. Her sister slammed the door in her face and he watched her finally break down and cry as she knocked on their house's door, begging for her family to take her back. He walked to her side and grabbed her hand to stop her from knocking. She looked up at him in shock for a moment, before she fell into his arms, sobbing for everything she'd lost.

He brought her to his house that night and told his mother what happened as she was fixing her stuff. His mother understood and told her to stay for as long as she'd like. She nodded and went to her room to shower and dress up for dinner.

What they didn't expect to happen that night was for his father to return after nearly three years of waiting for him. His father came in with his head held high as he paraded all of the scars he received during his stay with three death eaters. His mother screamed and hugged her husband as she sobbed into his chest, while his father cried silently as well. He got up to welcome his father home with tears too, glad to have his family back together. Once they were all settled down, the Potters ate their dinner with joy as he and his mother told his father everything that's been going on. It wasn't until much later that he noticed that _she_ was gone.

He excused himself and told his parents that he'd see them both tomorrow. He gave his father one last hug, and kissed his mother goodnight before walking to his room. He brushed his teeth, showered and dressed before going back out to his room. He was surprised to find her there, sitting on his bed in her nightgown with apologetic eyes. He assured her that everything was okay and that she could still stay after she apologized profusely for being so rude. After their formalities were over and done with, he asked her if she would like him to walk her back to her room, she shook her head and looked into his eyes, with color rising up to her cheeks.

"_I was wondering if I could—if I could stay here... tonight." she asked softly._

_He looked at her with gentle eyes, knowing her dilemma. "I just... I don't know if I can go through this night alone and I..." she continued._

"_It's okay, Lily." replied James with a kind smile. "I understand."_

That night, James lay in bed with Lily in his arms as he waited for slumber to take the two of them into its loving arms.

He wondered why, even though the cause for his _only _heartbreak was now back, he didn't feel any better. He wondered why he didn't feel totally okay; why there was still a hole in his heart.

He realized that it wasn't his father's absence that caused his heart to break. It wasn't because of guilt, or regret.

That night, he finally understood everything. That fateful eve, he realized that even if nothing ever happens to him, his heart won't be the same again.

He realized that it wasn't him whom his heart was beating for.

He finally understood that every time someone broke Lily's heart, his heart broke too.

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**AN: **I used pronouns 'cause I wanted there to be a little bit of mystique with the characters. I didn't worry about confusing you with the characters 'cause the simple fact that you're in this site, searching for this particular couple tells me that you know what happened between them, and you have a background on the characters. BUT, just in case you were a bit lost in the middle part: _the gits _are, unsurprisingly, the Slytherins. :)

FACT: This fic was supposed to be entitled "How Many Ways Can A Heart Break?", but I figured it was too long. :)

don't forget to review, my lovelies! :*

take care. ciao.


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